Unconfessed
by FrostElfofSlytherin
Summary: Ever wonder why Loki was so upset about Jane? Here might be the reason. Rating might change in the future.
1. Chapter 1

"You seem happy this morn," Loki smirked at the dark-haired Aesir who sat down next to him.

"That I am," she nudged his shoulder with hers, tucking a lock of mahogany hair behind an ear.

"And why would that be?" he asked, placing a finger between the pages of the spell book he'd been reading.

"I have my orders."

Loki felt his good mood evaporate, "Pardon?"

"I received my orders this morning at breakfast. Herja did too as did Night and Kara."

"And where would you be going?" he asked solemnly, silently cursing the twisting in his gut.

She didn't seem to notice, "Herja and Night are being sent to Vanaheim, so it's just me and Kara. We have been stationed in Alfhelm."

"When?" he felt his throat closing.

"Tomorrow… noon…"

"Tomorrow?" he gasped, unable to keep the pain out of his voice.

"Yes," she finally looked at him, "Are you well?"

He hesitated, "I am… well." Loki stood and walked away. He couldn't do it; he needed space.

Why?

Why did this have to happen now?

"Loki!"

He continued stalking toward the palace. Her footsteps, lighter and quicker, came up behind him. A small hand grasped his arm.

"What is wrong with you?" she demanded.

"Leave it alone," he jerked his arm away from her.

"I will not leave it alone!" she appeared in front of him, arms crossed defiantly, "Loki, you are my best friend. Something is bothering you. What is it?"

He shook his head. It was not something she could fix. How could he even tell her?

"Do not concern yourself with things that do not concern you," he replied coldly and brushed past her.

It was a lie. He knew that. She was his best friend and he lied to her. He had to.

She couldn't know.

Loki made it to his room, locking his door without her catching him again. The book he'd forgotten about until know was dropped unceremoniously onto a table. He dropped into a chair, his head resting in his hands, fingers through his hair.

He had to tell her.

No… he couldn't.

She mustn't know… not now.

He'd waited this long… he could wait some more.

Loki avoided dinner and breakfast. He couldn't bear to face her, though when noon rolled around, he found his determination faltering. She was leaving… could he really let her go without a proper goodbye? Could he _live_ with himself if he refused himself that last moment with her? Would she been angry with him if he could?

He came to a last minute decision and ran to the stables where, thankfully, they had his horse ready. Thor's white horse and Sleipnir were visible on the RainbowBridge as were the various other horses of close friends and family of those Valkyries leaving. He pushed his horse, flying through the streets and across the bridge, arriving just behind everyone else. The commoners moved aside as he walked through the crowd to the mahogany waves that were, probably, tangled in the quiver on her back.

"Loki!"

He heard her before he could brace himself for impact as she attacked him, pressing her body flush with his. She seemed completely oblivious to what she did to him when she did that. He _was_ able to hide it masterfully… but still.

"I have been looking _everywhere_ for you," came the disappointment he'd been waiting for.

"I… have had… things…" he murmured against her hair.

"Mhm… like what _things_?" she asked, pulling away slightly to bore her aqua eyes into his.

"Spells," he hedged. She shot him a disbelieving look.

"It must have been important for you to miss spending time with me."

She was teasing of course, but he couldn't help but feel guilty.

"Hey," she brought his attention back to her, "No sadness. I will be gone for a few years but then be right back and it will be as if I never left… ok?" He could only manage a nod. The battle within him was enough to make him physically ill.

Should he tell her?

"Valkyries," Odin's voice rose over the general hum of last farewells, "Nothing makes a king prouder than when young men and women chose to defend their land. Today… we send four bright and capable young women into the realms where they will join with their sisters and continue in the peace of the Nine Realms. We thank each and every one of you."

The four dropped to a knee, saluting their king. Odin stepped aside and the four made their way to the golden dome. He still had time, not much of it, but still time enough to say his piece.

No.

He would not.

He'd waited this long… he could wait some more.

At the entrance, she turned and shot him a brilliant smile. He returned it best he could and watched as she stepped through. The dome spun and shot a beam of light into the cosmos and then another. Loki felt his heart sink further.

She was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Three months.

_She'd_ been gone for three months now.

Loki could feel the loneliness slowly evaporating… or at least the harsh crushing nature of it. Now he just felt strangely hollow. It'd been hard, but he'd thrown himself into his studies and he felt better for it.

_She_ would be proud of him and he held onto that.

There had been whispers of a slight conflict in Niflhelm and Alfhelm. Odin didn't seem bothered by it so Loki figured it was nothing. Thor wanted to go and "check it out" but everyone knew why. There hadn't been much chance for him to wave his hammer around for awhile and he was itching to smash a few skulls. Loki could do without it and merely rolled his eyes at his older brother.

This particular morning was like the rest. The sun was up with its usual brilliance, shining off the gold of Asgard, making the Bifrost sparkle. Everything was perfect as it typically was.

Loki was in high spirits after mastering another spell last night. This one had been particularly hard, but it was worth it. The teleportation spell would be powerful enough to send him to Alfhelm and back, but it would take a lot out of him to perform it. If he played his energy right, he would see her soon.

Thor was already at the breakfast table with Sif, Volstagg, and Hogun. Fandral was nowhere to be seen, but that was normal. Volstagg and Thor were stuffing their faces like they'd been starved for a month, Sif looking on in mild amusement.

"Brother!" Thor hailed him, mouth half full of food. Loki nodded in general greeting as he sat down next to the large blond warrior. Sif ignored him as always. Loki smirked to himself at the fact that she _still_ angry at him for the whole fiasco with her hair. Personally he thought she looked better with black hair than the gold tresses she'd been born with. She looked fiercer, more like the warrior she was. The gold hair had done her no favors; they simply saw her as another pretty face. After he changed it, the other warriors started treating her differently… like one of them.

Sif overlooked this on purpose.

Ah well, he didn't need her approval or thanks. He'd done what he'd done to help (and cause mischief) and it proved the right move. The trouble he'd gotten into for it was worth it as were the dirty looks he'd received for quite awhile after that.

He smirked as he remembered how the maidens had avoided his company for years. Well all the maidens but _her_. _She'd_ thought the whole thing funny.

"My Prince?"

Loki turned to see a guard, "Yes?"

"The All-Father wishes to see you."

Loki nodded to him and excused himself from the table all the while wondering why Odin would want to talk to him. He hadn't pulled any pranks for a few days (almost a personal best) so it couldn't have anything to do with that. It wasn't like he was he was planning to take over Asgard or anything either; his plans were never _that_ elaborate.

Maybe it had something to do with his new spell…

Odin was obviously not in the throne room as Loki was led to the smaller space the king used for lesser things. Loki was announced and he walked in. He didn't take much notice of the blond female in the room… until she turned around. Silver-blond hair framed the typical Aesir face; grey eyes stared at him blankly.

Kara.

She was dismissed. Loki noticed the limp she walked with. He turned back to Odin, expecting her to pop out from somewhere.

"Sit, my son," Odin stood from the chair he was in, motioning for Loki to take it instead.

"If it's all the same, I think I will stand," Loki replied deferentially, clasping his hands behind his back. Odin nodded in acceptance. Loki felt the tension in the room rise. He'd felt it when he'd entered, but now it was palpable.

"Son," Odin's tone wasn't helpful, "You are aware of the disputes in Niflhelm and Alfhelm yes?"

"Of course," Loki replied, feeling uneasy.

Odin nodded, "There was a small uprising in Alfhelm. A few rebels attempted an attack on Freyr. They were detained and order restored."

Loki nodded in understanding. He wondered why Odin would be telling him this. Thor was the heir; he should be the one here. His stomach started doing uncomfortable flips.

"There were a few casualties… mostly rebels…"

Loki felt his lungs starting to contract.

"A few of Freyr's guards have been killed."

"Did she… did she make it?" Loki waited.

"No."

Loki felt his heart stop, his world stop… everything stopped.

Nothing made sense anymore. She couldn't be dead. It was impossible.

She was in Alfhelm keeping the peace. She would be home in little more than three and a half years. She couldn't be dead.

He had to tell her.

She was his best friend, his only true friend. She was the one who stuck by him through everything. She was the reason why his jealously of Thor, while there, had never driven him to anything. She accepted his oddities without question. She was the one who pushed him to be himself and not be something everyone else expected. He was a master of magic because of her.

She couldn't be dead.

He had so much to tell her. Years of friendship that had slowly spun themselves into years of attraction, at least on his part, and he had to confess it. He couldn't go without knowing how she felt about him.

He **_loved_** her…

"Loki. Son. Sit."

He barely heard his father's voice over the roaring in his ears. The hands leading him to the chair went unknown. He wasn't even all that certain of where he was anymore. The only thing he was aware of was the single word, that single thought that kept rolling around his brain.

She was dead.


	3. Author's Note

**AUTHOR'S**** NOTE:**

Hey guys, sorry it's been so long, but my laptop died (motherboard got fried) and all my work was lost so I've been trying to remember what I'd written for the rest of the story and it's slow going. Please don't give up on me. I WILL finish this story.


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